El diario de Noah no es realista...

...y las canciones de amor se equivocan.

En este mundo en el que parece ser que Hollywood lleva la voz cantante, me encuentro a la busca de ese amor perfecto, sincero, altruista, que creía haber encontrado.

Pero ahora me veo forzada a mirar atrás y recapacitar. Y mientras las horas pasan y los días se me escapan en este rincón de mi habitación, no me queda más que preguntarme porqué.


¿Porqué no quisiste escucharme?
¿Porqué no luchas por lo que es tuyo?
¿Porqué tuvo que llegar a este punto, en el que mi salud en juego me obliga a detenerme y cambiar de dirección?

Es solo un tiempo, y se que estás ahí a la espera, pero no se si a la vuelta de unos días, unas semanas, algo habrá cambiado y podrás ser esa persona que me sujete cuando caiga, que confie en mí para caer de cuando en cuando, que me haga sonreir. Si habrás encontrado tu motivo para ser, como dice la canción, junco que se tuerce pero siempre sigue en pie.

Si tendrás el valor de luchar por algo, y no permitir que el futuro te destroce, y sobretodo, si tendrás el valor de luchar por mí.

Licor Azul

Tú. Siempre tú. Como una droga, mi mente vuelve a ti cada segundo, deseando, arañando un recuerdo, un segundo, un beso, tú.

Nos rompieron la noche, tú en mi piel, yo en tu risa, entre las aguas del mar oscuro y profundo, tú y yo, siendo lo que no debemos ser, lo que no podemos ser. Nos robaron el tiempo, y tú me robaste el aire. No pudiste, no pude tenerte. Yo no era lo que tu deseabas.

Pero habría sido cualquier cosa, canción en tus labios, estrella en la noche, gata blanca. Habría sido tuya.

Y aun así, fui el licor azul que se desliza por tu garganta, el veneno que te mata, Donnie Darko.

Pero los sueños, buenos o malos, acaban, y este fue un sueño que se fue por la ventana del coche.

+ que ayer, - que mañana

Is it wrong?

Many times I've waited in the calm, warm room of mine, for an answer to that question. I'm turned to my left, you breathe right on my neck and I can't think anymore. You're there, and nothing else seems to matter.

But life can't always be that way.

I have to accept it, maybe. So I ask myself if this, what we have, this fucked up relationship, where you hide and I run,  is right. We're one, we're torn, and we can't seem to find a way back. And then again, I realize we didn't have a say.

It was given to us, so much struggling, so much pain was undergone so we could have this now, ripping apart the seams of time and space, bringing you to my side.

Is it wrong that I love you? Is it wrong for me to hold such feelings? Yet, as you say, it was planned, it's all going according to a bigger plan, a bigger picture I fail to see. Just shut up and listen, now. Am I taking what's not mine? Are you supposed to be someone else's, somewhere else, a newborn child? Am I holding you back?

You say no, but your words are of deceit. You know as well as I do you stay for me. Now you say nothing, but you want to hold my hand. I can feel you behind me, breathing, making me cold.

Hold me tight and lie to me, tell me it's not wrong, we're not breaking any rules, not human nor divine. Tell me it's ok for me to love myself, that that's all there is to it, that you can't leave without me and surely up there they must know, for we're only half, apart. That it's just right for us to be together, nevermind that you withered long ago.

You're here, real and solid, for me to touch, when the light goes down, and I see myself in this mirror you've become. It is not wrong, you say, because I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow, and then you point to my neck and I realize you're right. 

On me, the rings, the lies and the hidden truth in them, and everything else we failed to say.

Don't give up

In these days, when things seem to go wrong, when there's nothing to hold on to, when the unknown is lurking and looming over us, don't give up. You're all I live and die for. And, as long as you stand by my side, I won't stop.

Let's go together, shoot to the moon so that if we miss, we'll land among the stars.

Eartquakes

Lo cierto es que es la primera vez en mucho tiempo que voy a escribir algo que no sea más personal, pero es que realmente el terremoto en Japón me ha dejado bastante impresionada, y no en el buen sentido. Se me ponen los pelos de punta, literalmente, nada más de pensar en el sufrimiento de las familias, en el miedo que tuvieron que pasar las personas fallecidas, y lo que aun queda por venir. Además, conozco a una persona cuya familia política es de Japón, y realmente están preocupados, y pasándolo muy mal (Emi, sinceramente espero que todo vaya bien).

No se si hay gente preguntándose qué hacer, y seguro que como yo, hay gente que no dispone de medios para hacer nada de todas formas. Pero hay una cosa que sí se puede hacer, y es enviar un sms para que el coste del mensaje vaya destinado a ayudar. En cruz roja han habilitado este servicio. El coste del sms es de 1.2€, y se destina integro a ayudar a Japón.

 Yo he puesto el link directo al apartado donde informa como hacer el donativo, aunque si no te fias (¬¬) siempre puedes acceder tu mismo a la pagina de cruz roja (www.cruzroja.es) y buscarlo como yo hice.

El que lea mi blog sabrá que no soy dada a hacer publicidad de nada, ni a hacer campaña, pero esta vez creo que es necesario, y el coste del donativo es mínimo, es lo que te cuesta un café en el bar de la esquina, así que ya que nos lo ponen tan fácil ser solidarios, habría que aprovecharlo.

The secret (should never be out)

Hush, it's a secret. 

Keep quiet so they don't hear. No one should know how we are one. How we keep joined through countries, oceans, space, the universe, the stars above. No one should hear your whispered words at night, the promise, the lies, deceit and truth twisted in a tangled mess no one can unweave.

Hush, it's a secret, it's our secret.

Keep telling others they matter so they don't see. No one should realize just how much I need you, how little we need them. It's just our cover, our hide out. They can't -should never- see you, ghost pale, scared, stuck to me, making one of us, because I, you, we...am one.

Hush, it's our secret, it's our lie. 

Keep walking behind so they won't touch. No one should ever know the feel of your skin. Rough, soft, blond and safe and warm and cold, bitter, salty, dangerous. I say I don't, but your hands know me. It's all our treachery to the world. Keeps the sky from breaking.

Hush, hush. Our secret is safe, as long as you're gone and I'm away.

Forgive me

Listen now, listen properly. Hear whatever words I may not say, seek what my eyes display. It's not a matter of the mind, but of the heart. I need to be forgiven.

There are sins I commited, there are things I never did, things I should've done. This path my past has followed, taking me here, and throwing me off hook. So many things I forgot to save, so many precious cherry blossoms crushed under my fingers, year after year.

Feeling like this has in no way improved my life, no matter how hard I try to explain, no matter what I do, it still comes down to a simple point where joined hands are not enough anymore. Is it enough for you? For how am I supposed to know? Luck? Luck had nothing to do, neither good nor bad. I just refuse to let this take over me.

I see it, I want it, that meaningful stare, the shivers, the pins and needles and butterflies and my skin burning inside out. But it's not so easy. What I want is not what I want, or what I want to want, or what you want me to want to want. A mess, right? And mess tends to grow. Read my lips, I ain't done. Full yet still thriving for more.

I want to say forgive me, you'll never see me make the same mistake twice.

Lies, all lies.