Mistakes

How many mistakes have I done? How many words came wrong? How many times did I choose the wrong ones? I don't feel like I'll ever come out of this neverending story. I don't think I will ever understand how the world works, how people judge other people, how you decide what's wrong and what's right.

I learned through mistakes that I did not want to lose him, as I did lose you, as I did lose them. I've had one too many drinks and I've made a fool out of myself. The only chance, lost. I think I've lost my light.

So I just want to say that I'm sorry.

Dots and german singers

Things have changed the past few days. He did wrong, I reacted. For better or worse, things weren't smooth between us, and so it's over. Es ist vorbei. Se acabó. And for one reason or another, I'm not happy...nor sad. Just me, singing loud and clear "Vorbei" from Christina Stürmer until my throat is raw and going to the movies with my *hawt* neighbour. Just enjoying my new freedom and the new sense to my empty bed.

On a different note, I was the other day stretching on the floor of my room and I couldn't help but notice the amount of beauty marks dotted all over my body. That made me think of the genetics of that, and the chances that you had the same on your body. Would you have the one I've got on the right down corner of my lip? Or the one on the right side of my chest? Or the big one on my left shin? Just curious.

Off to bed now, singing vorbei and ready to face a new day alone, in the biggest sense of the word, when I'm missing my soulmate.

I once wrote about it, and I have to write it again, because it's the old story over and over. Girl, you've got to know when it's time to turn the page when you're only wet because of the rain... When no more tears can fall because of you, it's time to close the book and start a new one. And I don't longer care that you won't move on, because that's not my problem anymore. It's ok, you must understand it, you could never be, because how can I really trust someone when my soulmate is dead? How can I stop the lies when the only truth is buried? How can I make myself see you when I'm no longer watching?

The problem is...see, I need to find the right moment. If only you would read this and understand what it means, then things would be easier, but you will deceive yourself, make believe this is just another lie, a nightmare to go down the flush. But it's not, and it's not that you've changed or I've changed, which I've done. It's as simple as it is. We never were and could never be. It's ok, you don't need to understand, but it's not you I dream of. It's not you who can set things right in my mess of an universe. So just turn around, close the door and leave far, far away, where we shall never meet again. And when you leave, make sure you find someone who understands you like I never could.

BTW. D.- ILD, forever, no matter where you are or if you are at all.