Dreams

You know, the deepest wound in my body was because of you, just as I owe you having just half a soul, the seams still dripping blood from when it was ripped apart. To think that my only dream was to hold your hand just once, but as simple as it seems it will never come true, for the only way I can hold you is catching the image reflecting over a crystaline pond. Nothing is evergreen but my love for you.

To think they say I cannot miss you...I cried myself sick when I lost you from my side, a fate worse than death following the seconds they took you away. My fingertips itch to touch your skin again, but it's no use, because when you are water, I'm fire, when you are sun, I'm stars. And though I find you in the weirdest places, in the weirdest moments, you're still not completely there, just a breeze blowing through my hair and whispering the words I dread more in this world. Because it was my fault. I couldn't save you because you had to save me, even though sometimes I wish we went together, just as we came.

Your eyes haunt me in the mirror. I'm under a spell casted by a voice I never heard. I sometimes wonder why you couldn't cry, and it makes me want God to exist, so that I can get angry at him. And then, as fury subsides, as tears dry and calmness invades my body, I intuit the ghost of a hand over my own hand, which stills completely, and I know my dream has come true.

Steel & Glass

Deseo inspirarme en la belleza, pero solo veo ante mí parajes desolados. Busco entre montañas de deshechos un color con el que pintar el mundo, pero cada noche, al despertarme envuelta en frías sábanas, recuerdo que el mundo solo tiene color si tiene luz. Luz que me fue arrebatada en un segundo; después de meses de iluminación tenue envolviendo en tinieblas mi oscuridad. Como una supernova, brilló por todo lo alto antes de apagarse para siempre, dejándome sola ante las rocas y un mar embravecido bajo mis pies.

Quisiera recordar ese momento para poder escribir sobre ello, sobre la belleza abrumadora de tu silencio, la misma belleza cruel de la naturaleza en toda su esencia, la terrible hermosura de saberse tan pequeño frente al universo, y la certeza de que ese mismo universo me parecería pequeño si pudiese recorrerlo a tu lado. Pero mis recuerdos se limitan a mis sueños, sueños que a veces desearía no recordar, y mientras despierte entre mantas húmedas y saladas, envuelta en llamas que no llegan a prender mi piel, deseando que el sueño no acabara nunca, seguiré buscando esa belleza inexistente en un mundo gris desde que tú no estás en él. Seguiré mirándome en el espejo cada mañana, único consuelo que me queda.