Forgive me

Listen now, listen properly. Hear whatever words I may not say, seek what my eyes display. It's not a matter of the mind, but of the heart. I need to be forgiven.

There are sins I commited, there are things I never did, things I should've done. This path my past has followed, taking me here, and throwing me off hook. So many things I forgot to save, so many precious cherry blossoms crushed under my fingers, year after year.

Feeling like this has in no way improved my life, no matter how hard I try to explain, no matter what I do, it still comes down to a simple point where joined hands are not enough anymore. Is it enough for you? For how am I supposed to know? Luck? Luck had nothing to do, neither good nor bad. I just refuse to let this take over me.

I see it, I want it, that meaningful stare, the shivers, the pins and needles and butterflies and my skin burning inside out. But it's not so easy. What I want is not what I want, or what I want to want, or what you want me to want to want. A mess, right? And mess tends to grow. Read my lips, I ain't done. Full yet still thriving for more.

I want to say forgive me, you'll never see me make the same mistake twice.

Lies, all lies.