Winter randomness

'Who's my little angel?' You say. 'You, you, my little angel, you, with the white broad wings flapping in the wind.'

I shiver. Little angel, you say? 'Aye. Little. Tiny. Angelic. Angel.' Tiny little angel. For what do I do better than look after you? Isn't that what angels do? I imagine myself, floating along the sky, caring for you with eyes fiery as a wild cat, staring at whoever might want to hurt you.

Not an angel, though. Not at all. I shake with uncontained laughter, badly disguised joy and mischief glinting in my eyes. Not an angel. 'Not an angel? As if. You're pure.' You argue. I giggle. Pure? I'll teach you pure. I'll lick you clean of that glittering pixie dust, and you won't call me an angel again, cause I ain't no angel. I'm a kitty, and not a tame one.

'Aye, my angel. Whatever you say.'

Mas de lo mismo

Otro año comienza, al ritmo de campanadas y risas de una familia no tan familiar. Casi desconocidos que te toman la cara entre las manos para darte dos besos, pero da igual. Da igual, porque veinte segundos más tarde, le tomas cara tu entre tus manos para, con frank sinatra de fondo, hacer una obra de arte en sus ojos.

Y no es la noche, que sea especial. No es el vestido, ni los zapatos rojos, ni el carmin que te hace reir pensando en 'el Quijote'. No es la promesa de un nuevo comienzo. Comienzo de qué, te preguntas. De un nuevo año, te responden, y tú ries ante la absurdez.

Aun así, es tu noche de ensueño. La música hace temblar tus pies en anticipación, tu cuerpo vibrando, deseando ponerse en acción y moverse como sabe que sabe. Es un buen comienzo, y lo sabes, cuando te arrancan una sonrisa de los labios con solo un guiño, con un comentario sobre Narnia y lo perdidos que andan(andamos) algunos allí, jugando con los castores y el fauno, aunque en el fondo todo es una ilusión.

Y los que están lejos ya no están tan lejos, con un beso a medianoche y palabras en el viento buscando mi oido. Tu mamá no debería colgar tanto muérdago, o acabaré susurrando táim i' ngrá leat, mo faolain. You tiny little wolf...*rolls eyes*.

Entre recuerdos y deseos, planes y añoranzas, y un león que ronronea cuidándome las espaldas (como debía ser, mi otra mitad, mi alma gemela, mi tú, mi yo) , copas de alcohol y esa desesperación por hacer de esta noche la noche del siglo, me doy cuenta de que ya no te necesito.


Nicht jetz, niemals.

Ghosts

An empty road before me. In my place to the left, I take control of it all, I make the decisions. Still, I look to my right to find the courage to do so. It's your eyes I search for in the side mirror, but I'm met with a blank space...with my own eyes.

It's dark and cold in this road tonight, no light, no right choice. I hear their voices, hear their questions. Why? Why? Believe me when I say you don't want to know, in blissful ignorance you shall live, oblivious to the pain that tears me open every night, to the ghost that circles my body every breath I take.

The cool air condensates around me, on the glass that protects me and keeps me from the world. Secluded in your cage, yet I've never been so delightfully trapped, so in bliss, burning in your flame that tames me, sores opening in my wrists from the blistering iron of your fingertips, your fingernails.

It strikes me with your beauty, only seen by me, belonging to me. Curling around me like the coiled snake, the sin we both adore; cold, yet hot; trapped, yet free; yours...yours.

Om du kunne se alt jeg kan se
I ensom majestet
Jeg lever i en synd
Svever i en løgn
Uten deg har jeg ingenting

O.O

I can't love. I can only feel that force that forces me into desiring a dream that repeats itself, features that reflect, a pain that submits me to my most tragic nature. A scent that reminds me the smell of my sheets that white winter night when I had you and lost you.

I can't love because I already love. I love madly and desperately, with the longing of the one who loves a dream as far as impossible, and each and every of your kisses are the breeze of the sea where I threw your ashes.

I love you with the brutal force of a star banished from the firmament. And I know I won't ever have you, just as I know day from night. I know all I will have left will be the torn memories and your silent void.

Rides and red shrimps.

Sway, sway, sway. Bump, bump, sway.

It's a calm starting for a hectic day. Twenty minutes later, and we're sopping wet, sunglasses and all. We stretch and blowdry ourselves. As there's no wind, we have to run really fast, but that's ok. Up, down, up, down, down...right? or was it up? Who cares anymore? We're already dry.

But the comfort of non-sticky watery clothes won't last long. It's our own fault, anyway. The pool, the fall, the river and the lake, we swam them all on strangely shaped logs. And then we walked through foggy halls from Greece to Rome, to drink from sweet flavoured icecubes.

And up and down and up, left, down, down, up...right, right? Again we don't care, again it's ok. Not completely dry, a bull with human body follows us as we save Ulises from the mad giant Snake and escape the fate of singing mermaids.

And finally, with your name on my skin, again, and the content of a properly used day, red all over and drained, I rest on my bed.

It was a beautiful day.

Empty

Fingertips that travel south one of the softest skins they've ever felt. Your touch feels electric, it sends shivers down my spine. It makes me quiver, makes me beg for more.

And then eyes flutter open. Your smell vanishes as the perfect dream rests torn between my fingers. The bittersweet taste of your berry mouth fading from my sealed lips. I toss and turn, my bed's so big...Then I lie down. Accepting it. I just stay awake with my eyes closed, trying to find your scent in my bare pillow. Day-dreaming, I can feel your hands roaming my body. Roaring, in waves crashing against my rocks, the pleasure of being as one.

But then a frown on my mouth settles down, puckered the hole that screamed in pain when you were torn from me, scarring me for life, marking with fire a poem in my heart, while yours stopped beating. Why did it stop? Wasn't my love enough to make you scream? To make you breathe? This love that is stronger than it should be. This love that is as forbidden as impossible. I know you feel the same. I know it, you told me in my dream. You wouldn't lie.

Because I could see the lie in your eyes. You, as me, all the same, I can read you as well as I can read myself. Can you read me? I'm written out just for you. You're the only one who deserves to know...who deserves to have me whole, yet these Cold Hands took you away.

And so here I lie. Jealous of everyone and anyone that can have what I never will. Jealous of whatever God there is, for having you by their side, you wingless angel. Broken, forgotten and unsatisfied.

Empty.

A beautiful lie

A lie. This world's full of them. Deceitful words, deceitful stares and open hands -over the mouth. Living a lie since the only truth is buried deep under the wet earth of the beautiful northern lands.

Dressed in green like the greed that surrounds me. My body just a reminder of what will never be. Like a shape under the pressure of the sun, I shrink. Silver on my skin and gold in my eyes, like a wolf, I sneak around, surrounding my prey. Studying it. Seizing it. My teeth no longer white with the blood of my latest hunting trip.

I'm just a starved soul ready to claim love only for his company tonight. If he can silence my thoughts until the next sun, I'll love him forever...but don't miss the wink. No one said I'd be by his side while I loved him.

Stay, he begs, his voice barely a ghost of the powerful growl of the male who feels -knows- himself to be alpha. He's barely a ghost of himself now. All my fault, but who cares?

I just wink, laugh and say I will stay...somewhere. Where? Who knows. I've been nowhere since I was born. Or more like no one. But no one can be nowhere, right? But ok, don't cry, I'll be safe, in the arms of another mate, of another crowd. As long as the throbbing bits of my soul are calmed by the ice of the warmest stare, I'll be fine.

I'll keep going, I'll keep living. As long as I'm still beautiful, I'll be just a beautiful lie.