The secret (should never be out)

Hush, it's a secret. 

Keep quiet so they don't hear. No one should know how we are one. How we keep joined through countries, oceans, space, the universe, the stars above. No one should hear your whispered words at night, the promise, the lies, deceit and truth twisted in a tangled mess no one can unweave.

Hush, it's a secret, it's our secret.

Keep telling others they matter so they don't see. No one should realize just how much I need you, how little we need them. It's just our cover, our hide out. They can't -should never- see you, ghost pale, scared, stuck to me, making one of us, because I, you, we...am one.

Hush, it's our secret, it's our lie. 

Keep walking behind so they won't touch. No one should ever know the feel of your skin. Rough, soft, blond and safe and warm and cold, bitter, salty, dangerous. I say I don't, but your hands know me. It's all our treachery to the world. Keeps the sky from breaking.

Hush, hush. Our secret is safe, as long as you're gone and I'm away.

Forgive me

Listen now, listen properly. Hear whatever words I may not say, seek what my eyes display. It's not a matter of the mind, but of the heart. I need to be forgiven.

There are sins I commited, there are things I never did, things I should've done. This path my past has followed, taking me here, and throwing me off hook. So many things I forgot to save, so many precious cherry blossoms crushed under my fingers, year after year.

Feeling like this has in no way improved my life, no matter how hard I try to explain, no matter what I do, it still comes down to a simple point where joined hands are not enough anymore. Is it enough for you? For how am I supposed to know? Luck? Luck had nothing to do, neither good nor bad. I just refuse to let this take over me.

I see it, I want it, that meaningful stare, the shivers, the pins and needles and butterflies and my skin burning inside out. But it's not so easy. What I want is not what I want, or what I want to want, or what you want me to want to want. A mess, right? And mess tends to grow. Read my lips, I ain't done. Full yet still thriving for more.

I want to say forgive me, you'll never see me make the same mistake twice.

Lies, all lies.

Of centrefolds and fallen stars

Sneak a peek in heaven.

That's what it is. Spotlight, flashes and your arm around my waist. The right to have everything I want, to live in a dream. To crawl taller than you, you the one that makes me much bigger of a star.

But I'm just bare, weightless and afraid, I fear. On my way back to you, I tried to say. To make you stay. But it's the dreaded XXI, and still not a single sign that you might finally be mine, up there as you are, hunting stars high and low, only tied to me by a silver lining.

Several hours later into the sleepy hollow, wondering how you could let me go, how I could do you the same. Never thought I'd feel so ashamed. You come to me, run your claws over my skin -scales- and say you give up on your centrefolds, no one's as good as a good 'the one'. Come to me, make me high. Knees buckle and I'm all over the bedspread, a fucking mess, heart and soul.

You make such a mess of me.

And I can't tear you from the ceiling, can't bring you back to me. I'd like to staple you to me, put a bit of you in me, and me in you, yin and yang, black and white molding into each other. Just like you are inked deep inside of me.

But you don't let me sleep. You don't let me dream, and never come to me when I'm awake. Just like booze, you have this bitter taste about you, mingled with K and chocolate icing. Come on, give me a run for your money, try to beat me, try. This fucked up thing we have, screwing -skewering- my points of view, you can't find a better match.

So be...be mine. Forever, just be mine. And remember that our bond can take it.


Happy birthday, sneaky asshole.

Моё сердце

Моё сердце бьется до тех пор пока я знаю что ты любишь меня. 
(my heart beats for as long as I know that you still love me)

Se bien que este no es el lugar para hablar de ello. No es como si tuviera otro lugar, de todas formas. Pero la realidad es que poco me importa ya, tan solo la necesidad de que sepas lo mucho que siempre te he querido.

Y no me hace falta que me lo recuerdes, que no fue mi decisión, que no tuve elección. Ya se que no puedo hacerte volver, de la misma forma que no puedo volar, pero a veces deseo que sea mentira, que pueda verme reflejada en tu mirada sin tener que marchar o renunciar a tantas cosas, y miro a las estrellas y sueño que estás ahí conmigo, y tal vez, tal vez ya esté en el cielo. El cielo eras tú.

No se, quizá es el miedo a este vacío lo que me hace gritar tu nombre en silencio, dentro de mi alma partida en dos, a sabiendas de que no escucharás, de que no volverás. Es esta oscuridad que me envuelve, que me ahoga. Podrías haber dejado una luz.

Ojalá...ojalá no doliera, ojalá pudiera olvidarte, o recordarte más, no lo se. Tener algo tuyo que me traiga a la memoria sentimientos adormecidos. Te echo tanto de menos.

Y se cuál es la promesa. Se que prometiste no marchar hasta que yo me fuera, y eso te ata a mi lado, no me deja olvidar, no me deja sentir más allá de tu presencia eterna.

Tu corazón latiendo en mi pecho (mientras sepa que aun me quieres.)

After midnight

It's true what they say about the loneliest time of the day being after midnight. When everyone's asleep, the sounds of cars passing by get less frequent, and I can hear a dog howling outside. Then I'm there, again, on the bed, left alone with my memories and a shot of whiskey. Seconds pass me by, the headlights of the garbage truck and the phone mocking me, silent.

It's an hour later, I'm a little drunk, and I guess, I guess I need you now. I can't fight it anymore, I can't just lie here and see how we have to say goodbye. But there's nothing I can do, nothing I haven't already done, and I just don't know how to go on. Not when your smile's so far away, not when you're in my mind all the time. And I know, I know I said I would move on, I know I said I'd just forget about it, live my life like you wanted me to, but it's a quarter after one, the bed's empty and I need you now.

Need you with me, need the memories we never made, play with you in the playground, let the winter drops cool our crazy minds, anything, I just need you now. And it's all the time, the pain, the hole in me, but it's now, after midnight, when I miss you most, when trying to keep the feelings at bay is as useless as trying to hide the sun with my thumb. Guess it was never meant to be, this empty house. Guess my half soul's never been enough. Need you, need the other half like a fish needs the sea.

I think of all we could've been, all the things we could've done, the miracle in itself that you existed would've been enough to make a new sun shine. It's never enough, never ever things like they should, cause it's after midnight and you're still gone. You've been gone all along.

Valencia

O como un grupo de tres idiotas amigos acaban en una ciudad totalmente desconocida para ellos, en pos de música, deporte y dios sabe qué más.

Todo comienza sabado por la mañana, puta locura y es tan temprano, pero es igual, porque se nos hace tarde de todas formas entre las papas y los pintalabios. Tras hora y algo de O.O en un coche que no era nuestro, música haciendo temblar los cristales y la garganta en carne viva, nos perdemos.

Como no.

Pero perderse a veces esta bien, porque acabas en una fuente, y en un bar y la camarera es como una más. Al final encontramos el parque, parque internacional con fuentes que saltar, comida, desnudos y un perro que siempre quiere jugar.

Y saltamos como enanos sobre el gigante, nos lanzamos, caímos y fue tan divertido que no paramos ni bajo la cortina de agua que quiso ahogarnos. Y la jodida niña, tan rubia y tan linda. 'Daddy, I'm tiiired. Let's go to the haaat. Not to the foot, the haaaat. Daddy, please!'. Casi la secuestro.

Y al final llego la hora de marchar. Confesiones, secretos y una unión ante el lago (el lago y una canción?) con el lazo azul. Día para recordar. En el coche de nuevo, nos perdimos otra vez, en busca del calor de más personas con nuestra misma meta. Tres veces entramos al pueblo, tres salimos, sin encontrar el punto en el que todo tendría sentido.

Tras unas risas, gente nueva con la que hablar, la reina del olé olé y aquel gay de mano floja con el que 'desayunamos' todos, manos en el aire y todo, un par de besos y abrazos, mareos y empujones, acabamos dormidos en un maletero, cual secuestrados. Y a las seis de la mañana a casa, que Balto baltucho perro chucho nos espera.

Ye good ole times :D

And after some smexy time, and laughing and whatever else one might want, it's the right time for memories. And what's a better memory than those brought to you by the lolcats?

So see? I was right when I said there was a greater picture (says Castiel...)

All you need is love...and fun. Have fun, then. Have a nice weekend too :D