Promise we'll fight

I woke up with your hand on my knee in deep red. I smiled when you smiled, because I just know you did. I know what you thought, I thought it too; you always know how to get engraved on my skin. In my skin.

Then the dreamland attacked me again with a thousand-bricks wall and a stolen kiss. A crown on my head and you by my right side, and I was pronounced queen of the lovely mirrors. All was good, all was nice, you by my side, and an army of cloned angels.

But then they came. They want us, they envy us. They will fight us to steal what we have, even though it's something that you can't even touch. They promise a salvation that is damnation to us. They promise a heaven full of shadows and boogie men hiding in every corner.

Promise we won't let them. With you, my universe is complete. Tá tú m'anamchara. If this is my only chance, then I cherish it with all my might. Call the angels, tell them to spread their wings. We won't let them break us.

Mistakes

How many mistakes have I done? How many words came wrong? How many times did I choose the wrong ones? I don't feel like I'll ever come out of this neverending story. I don't think I will ever understand how the world works, how people judge other people, how you decide what's wrong and what's right.

I learned through mistakes that I did not want to lose him, as I did lose you, as I did lose them. I've had one too many drinks and I've made a fool out of myself. The only chance, lost. I think I've lost my light.

So I just want to say that I'm sorry.

Dots and german singers

Things have changed the past few days. He did wrong, I reacted. For better or worse, things weren't smooth between us, and so it's over. Es ist vorbei. Se acabó. And for one reason or another, I'm not happy...nor sad. Just me, singing loud and clear "Vorbei" from Christina Stürmer until my throat is raw and going to the movies with my *hawt* neighbour. Just enjoying my new freedom and the new sense to my empty bed.

On a different note, I was the other day stretching on the floor of my room and I couldn't help but notice the amount of beauty marks dotted all over my body. That made me think of the genetics of that, and the chances that you had the same on your body. Would you have the one I've got on the right down corner of my lip? Or the one on the right side of my chest? Or the big one on my left shin? Just curious.

Off to bed now, singing vorbei and ready to face a new day alone, in the biggest sense of the word, when I'm missing my soulmate.

I once wrote about it, and I have to write it again, because it's the old story over and over. Girl, you've got to know when it's time to turn the page when you're only wet because of the rain... When no more tears can fall because of you, it's time to close the book and start a new one. And I don't longer care that you won't move on, because that's not my problem anymore. It's ok, you must understand it, you could never be, because how can I really trust someone when my soulmate is dead? How can I stop the lies when the only truth is buried? How can I make myself see you when I'm no longer watching?

The problem is...see, I need to find the right moment. If only you would read this and understand what it means, then things would be easier, but you will deceive yourself, make believe this is just another lie, a nightmare to go down the flush. But it's not, and it's not that you've changed or I've changed, which I've done. It's as simple as it is. We never were and could never be. It's ok, you don't need to understand, but it's not you I dream of. It's not you who can set things right in my mess of an universe. So just turn around, close the door and leave far, far away, where we shall never meet again. And when you leave, make sure you find someone who understands you like I never could.

BTW. D.- ILD, forever, no matter where you are or if you are at all.

Dreams

You know, the deepest wound in my body was because of you, just as I owe you having just half a soul, the seams still dripping blood from when it was ripped apart. To think that my only dream was to hold your hand just once, but as simple as it seems it will never come true, for the only way I can hold you is catching the image reflecting over a crystaline pond. Nothing is evergreen but my love for you.

To think they say I cannot miss you...I cried myself sick when I lost you from my side, a fate worse than death following the seconds they took you away. My fingertips itch to touch your skin again, but it's no use, because when you are water, I'm fire, when you are sun, I'm stars. And though I find you in the weirdest places, in the weirdest moments, you're still not completely there, just a breeze blowing through my hair and whispering the words I dread more in this world. Because it was my fault. I couldn't save you because you had to save me, even though sometimes I wish we went together, just as we came.

Your eyes haunt me in the mirror. I'm under a spell casted by a voice I never heard. I sometimes wonder why you couldn't cry, and it makes me want God to exist, so that I can get angry at him. And then, as fury subsides, as tears dry and calmness invades my body, I intuit the ghost of a hand over my own hand, which stills completely, and I know my dream has come true.

Steel & Glass

Deseo inspirarme en la belleza, pero solo veo ante mí parajes desolados. Busco entre montañas de deshechos un color con el que pintar el mundo, pero cada noche, al despertarme envuelta en frías sábanas, recuerdo que el mundo solo tiene color si tiene luz. Luz que me fue arrebatada en un segundo; después de meses de iluminación tenue envolviendo en tinieblas mi oscuridad. Como una supernova, brilló por todo lo alto antes de apagarse para siempre, dejándome sola ante las rocas y un mar embravecido bajo mis pies.

Quisiera recordar ese momento para poder escribir sobre ello, sobre la belleza abrumadora de tu silencio, la misma belleza cruel de la naturaleza en toda su esencia, la terrible hermosura de saberse tan pequeño frente al universo, y la certeza de que ese mismo universo me parecería pequeño si pudiese recorrerlo a tu lado. Pero mis recuerdos se limitan a mis sueños, sueños que a veces desearía no recordar, y mientras despierte entre mantas húmedas y saladas, envuelta en llamas que no llegan a prender mi piel, deseando que el sueño no acabara nunca, seguiré buscando esa belleza inexistente en un mundo gris desde que tú no estás en él. Seguiré mirándome en el espejo cada mañana, único consuelo que me queda.

Gone

Sometimes, when dusk comes, and I'm lying on my empty bed, as I remember the things I could have but I don't, as I count the ones I love and the ones who love me back, as I think of the day just wasted, I wonder, if I died right then and there, would anyone notice?